Sucked into the Black Hole of Hulu

I know that I haven't posted in a few days, but I have a good reason... I promise!

Okay, so it might not be a good reason, but it's a reason nonetheless....

I got sucked into the big black hole known as Hulu. It is an evil website that is trying to steal my soul... and the sad part is it's fun!!! How can anything that is so successful at ruining my abilities to be productive be fun??? It's just craziness!

*Edit: I was just reading through the final version and I realized that I have fun doing almost anything that ruins my ability to be productive... I mean, except stuff like being chased by monsters and battling lions and stuff... although battling lions would be pretty cool I guess...

The show that I've most recently become addicted to is called "If I Can Dream." If any one of you has seen this show, then you will understand-- it's impossible not to be sucked in by it!

I'm not going to explain the premise of the show because that would take up entirely too much of this post, and I'm sure an explanation is easy to come by, so let's just skip over that and talk more about how sad I am because I give up my life to websites like this.

I go through phases like this pretty regularly. I'll become fixated on a show and watch it whenever I have free time. I am emotionally invested in these shows (which is probably unhealthy considering a lot of them are competition shows and it ruins my day when my favorite person gets voted off...) and I would rather watch them than be social. It's a problem.

I understand that I'm not a very social person anyways, but I feel like I'm sinking into the realm of WOW obsessed people. That scares me. I don't want to start wearing coke-bottle glasses and t-shirts with magical creatures on them!!!! Once I start wearing socks with my sandals I'll know I'm doomed....

Hulu is not the only thing I've become addicted to lately... there's this game called Isoball 2 that is the most addicting thing I've ever played. To be fair, I've never been one for video games, but this one is so good! Note: I am a complete nerd, so don't be surprised if you think it's the most lame thing that you've ever played. Just because I can be entertained by it for hours does not mean that I expect everyone else to feel the same way. Actually, that probably means that most people won't feel the same way... don't worry, I'll understand.

My addictions come out of nowhere and surprise even me. I guess in a way it keeps my life interesting? Okay, now it just sounds like I'm trying to make excuses for my life... which I guess is pretty accurate.

I'm just going to insert a note saying how awkward I find it to end a post. I never know what to say.... hmmm.... if anyone can tell me the origin of this quote you will be my new favorite person... but you have to email it to me, because we don't want everyone piggybacking off your answer and pretending like they actually knew it when they didn't... so email me at kindofagirlthing@yahoo.com if you know the answer!!!

What is this quote from? "your favorite way to say red wine in a german accent? RED VINES!"

If you get it right, you are officially my new best friend.

-Kaiti

Craig's List Poet

I was severely bored the other day, so I decided to entertain myself by clicking through the Craig’s List personals in my area. Interesting pastime, I know, but bear with me here because it lead to a really good story.

I clicked on one of the links and was met with a sight I had never seen on Craig’s List ever before: a poem. That’s right, folks. Someone is on Craig’s List soliciting people via poetry. I have decided to copy the poem here and add some commentary so you know what went through my head when I originally read this piece of art:

*Note: I do not own any part of this lovely piece of literary genius. All my comments are highlighted and italicized.*

Moments

At fifty years and almost three 

Really? Fifty three years old and you still haven’t found a better way to proposition other men than poetry? Maybe that’s why you’re using Craig’s List…
I have a lot to say 
My thoughts have written one good book 

I would like to read this book…
Twas written in one day

I am now doubtful as to how good this book could be

My life is most unusual 

Yep… you’re writing poetry on Craig’s List… just thought I would point that out…
I’m not a typical gay 
I have my kids, and grandkids, too 
Never a dull day 

I’m not really sure how to respond at this point…

I’m whole, complete and ready now 
To fulfill upon my goal 
My heart is free to give the love 
For which there is no toll 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the only love I can think of for which there is a “toll” would be the kind of “love” you find on a downtown street corner…

I’m looking for my Mr. Right 
His love to fill the hole 

There are so many things that are wrong with that last line…
I’m waiting for his eyes to be 
The mirrors to my soul 

It’s in that moment when we first meet 
That we know it’s yes or no 
We’ll look and guess, we’ll wonder some 
We could just ebb and flow 

And again… are these supposed to be double entendres? I mean, seeing as how you wrote a good book in one day, I expect you didn’t just miss the possible implications here…

A moment can be special yet 
It doesn’t add that much 
I’m looking for one special look 

Wait… if a special moment doesn’t add that much why are you looking for one? Is anyone else confused?
His passion, love and such 

And such??? Might want to clarify there… more entendres…

A lifetime isn’t all that long 
No guarantee of days 

I actually appreciate that line… kudos, Craig’s List Poet
Yet my wish is that I find the man 
Who’ll smile within my gaze. 

If this does make you want to ask 
“Am I the one for him?” 
Then answer this right now, today 
Step out upon that limb 

I like how he includes a poetic version of the “answer this if you dare” line that most Craig’s List users go for… another point for CLP

We’ll never know unless you do 
A mystery it will be 
Could be we are just the ones 
Who love eternally.

I want to know if he finds his eternal love via poetry on Craig’s List… it would certainly restore much of my faith in humanity…

-Kaiti

Bible Solicits Me Via Email

I didn’t know this before, but apparently the Bible has it’s own email account. Yep. I guess everyone is being forced to catch up with technology nowadays.

This is exciting enough information, but what is even more exciting is the fact that the Bible emailed ME!!! What?!?! I know!!!! I feel so important now!

Just in case some of you are sitting there in disbelief, don’t worry… I have evidence:

This is crazy!!! I was really honored until I read the title of the email. Then I just thought, “Really, Bible? You are selling yourself online?”

Besides the fact that emailing lots and lots of people probably is not as effective as, say posting your offer on Craig’s List, I am sincerely surprised at your decrease in values since the last time we met.

Just FYI for everyone reading this, I met Bible in church. I definitely did not think our next meeting would be online when Bible was asking me to buy it. I am disappointed and slightly disillusioned with life in general.

-Kaiti

Adventures of the Ninja Roommate

Last night my roommate went to a party. Oh, if only it were that simple.

I was asleep in my bed feeling sorry for myself and my lack of entertainment when roomie called me and said "I JUST HAD TO RUN THROUGH THE WOODS TO ESCAPE THE POLICE!!!"

Not your everyday roommate conversation.

When roomie finally got back up to the room, she continued to explain that she had been about four feet away from a police officer with a flashlight who was yelling at people to stop running because if they did he would chase them. What did roomie do? Run her ass back to our dorm as fast and as quietly as possible. Many of you may be impressed with roomie's skills to evade police detection, but when you find out that she is a ninja it is slightly less spectacular.

Roomie is an acting major and therefore knows a lot of... interesting people. These people make her life far more interesting than mine (hence the post being about what she did last night instead of what I did). The party last night was for all these people.

Roomie did not get to the party until 2 hours into it. Apparently, the police had already been there once, but like true college revelry, that was not something that was going to stop the partiers. After being confused by gay men hitting on her, a drunk guy puking into a girl's open purse, and people belting the lyrics to telephone into her ear, roomie's attention was brought to the front of the house by a guy standing on a speaker and yelling at all the underage (read: roomie) kids who were drinking to hit the trail... and not just any trail... but the trail through the sketchy woods behind the house.

As roomie went to escape The Man, she rushed out onto the back porch and bumped into a guy who was smoking, hitting her arm on the tip of his cigarette... yes... roomie got a cigarette burn on her arm. Don't worry... she realizes how white trash this moment was. Being the ninja that she is, roomie ignored the pain in her arm and the shouts of apology from the drunk smoker behind her and fled for the woods. This is where she encountered her not-so-ninja-policeman friend. Needless to say, roomie utilized the ninja skills she had and escaped back to our dorm unharmed and without a police record.

I officially welcome roomie into the ranks of college kids who have had to evade police. At least she didn't end up sleeping in the back of a stranger's car. Win, roomie. Win.

*Edit* It's rainy and boring here today, so I am letting you guys chose a topic for my next post!!! Just put the topic in the comments section and I will chose the one that amuses me the most! GO!

-Kaiti

Random Sentence Generator: Making Me Distrust My Clothing...

I was on a random sentence generator today (don't ask... I do strange things when bored), and one of the sentences that I got was "In the scarf participates the crime."

I could only sit there and stare, slack-jawed in amazement.

Was the internet trying to tell me something?

I am an avid scarf fan and, as such, I own a good number of scarves. Is it possible that inside one of these soft, wooly pieces of comfort some dastardly deed is being carried out? Some malicious criminal could be destroying the innocent warmth of the poor fabric!

This is not to be tolerated! I stand up in defense of scarves everywhere and I say if someone is perpetrating a crime inside of you, to not just hang there and let it happen! Speak up! We will protect you!!! I love my scarves and I would be willing to fight the most diabolical villain in support of their well-being!

Obviously, my motivations may not be entirely altruistic. If there is a crime being committed inside my scarf, I cannot be sure that the criminals will not hurt me in their attempts to escape with their loot. I am also protecting my own well being and the well being of all scarf wearers out there... be careful of what may be happening inside your scarf.

You may want to use the magical sentence genie to predict possible dangers in your future. It could have saved me today. If you are so inclined... go ahead... check out your future... I dare you.

-Kaiti

The Failings of Being Socially Awkward

Alright. I admit it. I'm not the most socially adept person ever. It's true. This breaks down to mean a lot of different things in my life, one of the main ones being that I have trouble accomplishing simple tasks because there seem to be insurmountable obstacles in my way. I am currently in such a predicament.

I am starving.

I cannot get dinner.

Why?

Because I'm socially awkward.

Allow me to explain further:
I have this weird problem with going places by myself. Especially places involving food. I don't know why. If I did I could probably fix it. I will only go to such places if I am not alone. This does not seem like a problem to those of you who have countless friends on your phone that you can call up and chat with anytime, but for someone like me it is a little difficult. This may be because every time I pick up my phone and contemplate calling someone, I have an internal debate about whether or not I would be bothering that person. My mind seems intent on convincing me that I imagined the friendship with this person the entire time and said person is really just somewhat of an acquaintance that I managed to bully the phone number out of. After 10 minutes of enduring this psychological melodrama, I usually believe that this person and I never were, and probably never will be, friends. This means that I have no one to go to the dining hall with except for my roommate.

Roommate would be a viable choice if she were not currently asleep. She's been asleep for hours now (in the middle of the day) and I'm afraid to wake her up. Not because I think she would be angry with me and flail and possibly kill herself, me or both, but because I cannot bring myself to wake up anyone who is sleeping. What if the sleeping person is having the best dream of their entire life and they are about to reach the pinnacle of said dream and I rip them out of it right before that can happen? Wouldn't that be the most disappointing thing ever? I would think so. There is also the chance that they are receiving valuable insights from a deceased relative on the other side. I could wake them up right before they find out when and where a rapist will be waiting for them in the near future. Now I just raped someone... well.... in a way. In either case, I would not want to wake someone up from any sort of sleep. Ever.

So here I am in the middle of this predicament. I suppose I could summon the courage to run over the the student center and grab something quickly, stuff it in a bag, and run back to my dorm while trying to keep my head down so people don't notice the stupid girl who is taking food back to her dorm because no one loves her enough to eat with her. See? I'm totally crazy inside. It's a problem.

Well, let's hope I find a way to get some food before I starve out here.

-Kaiti

COLLEGE MAKES YOU NOT SLEEP

sooo this is basically going to be a post about all the things I am excited about right now, which is several since I am ADD and only got about 3 hours of sleep last night...

number one: teddy bears. I mean really, guys, these are the most awesome invention ever. Or the most horrible. It all depends on how you look at it. They have turned terrifying man-eating monsters into cuddly friends for small children. Do you know what message this ultimately sends to our nation's youth? "Go hug a bear, sweetie, they're nice and friendly and might possibly not eat you like a piece of popcorn!!!" We should be less willing to send tiny little cub scouts into the woods after indoctrinating them into this mindset. While it allows them to show their little hunter-human skills by defying death, this also could quite possibly turn out the opposite way with Johnny dangling from the jaws of a 12 FOOT ANGRY-AS-SHIT BEAR that he thought it would be fun to cuddle with. So I guess what I've decided by the end of this paragraph is that teddy bears are most definitely not awesome and actually quite dangerous, so I'm not sure why I was unclear about that at the beginning...

MOVING ON!

Number two: the internet. The internet is possibly the best invention on earth ever. The fact that I can write these inane comments and people read them is AMAZING!!! I can also simultaneously laugh at the Craig's list crazies and read my favorite blog posts at the SAME TIME! what?!?! that's CRAZY!!!! I love internet lovers, too. What I mean by that is people who know the internet well enough to browse around and use the different websites to get to know people and they actually make friends that way! It amazes me, because this is the first real attempt I have made at keeping anything on the internet going, aside from my facebook and twitter, so I haven't really made any new friends via the internet, just kept in contact with my old friends (which is really necessary for me as I do not make new real world friends easily... it's a painful process and I would rather chew my own hands off most days...) so you guys who are super internet-literate and have made friends online... you amaze me. Enough said.

Number three: Kool-Aid. Never before have I encountered a drink that tastes like a color. I mean, I drank this stuff as a child, but somehow in the course of growing up, your childhood memories morph, especially with food, and the things you used to love and think were the bee's knees really taste like crap and you want to wash your mouth out with soap after "revisiting your past" in that particular way. Well, I had a momentary lapse in judgement recently and tried Kool-Aid again after many many years of not drinking it, and I was amazed. I imagine it's almost like being on an acid trip in a way. Never have I had this experience, but in those dorky drug videos they make you watch in 6th grade science class, they when people drop acid, they experience a feeling of being able to taste color. Well... maybe they just drank some Kool-Aid. No, seriously. Purple Kool-Aid tastes purple. It is indescribable.

Okay, well since I am currently in school I actually have to be places at a particular time (so lame) and I have a particular place I need to be in about a minute, but I felt I had to get all of that out of my system first, so I'M OFF!!!

-Kaiti