Monday, February 28, 2011

Why sobriety sometimes isn't the answer

WARNING: This post may not be appropriate for some readers under the age of... ummm I don't know... 14ish??? I dunno... if you're old enough to watch Jersey Shore, you're probably old enough to read this post... just don't go telling your parents that I'm advocating these behaviors in your life. I'm not. This is my life. I understand not everyone can be as awesome as me (haha...) but really, if you don't wanna read about this kind of stuff, then I've given you fair warning so angry emails will not be responded to. Love ya!

So lately, I've been having a string of preeeetty fail weekends. Not going to lie, there's no one to blame but yours truly, but that's really beside the point. Why is it that every time you really decide to devote yourself to getting as trashed out of your mind as humanly possible, something always goes wrong and the night takes a turn for the worse? Well.... perhaps it was that whole plan to drink as much as possible, but whatever. Why can't I have one weekend where I drink an exorbitant amount and the powers that be decide to take a vacation day from their normal routine of raining hellfire down on my weekends? Let's try to plan this please.

The worst part of this past weekend? I was at one of my friend's parties...... completely s.o.b.e.r.


Have you ever been sober around a bunch of drunk girls having the time of their lives in some dingy bar? You would think watching girls make idiots of themselves by drunkenly (and sweatily... ew) grinding up on some other girl's date would make you feel a lot better about yourself and your life choices, but let's all be honest with ourselves: while your standing in that bar with the party raging around you, you really would rather be drunk enough to excuse that kind of behavior. It's painful knowing you're one of the only people who's going to remember this night in perfect detail. I did manage to get my dance on with my date, who was a good sport about the whole being-sober-because-I-took-a-year-and-a-half-to-get-ready thing. I guess it was kind of my fault, but again... who wants to accept responsibility when it's a LOT more fun to complain? Thanks for offering, but I happen to be a champion whiner over here.

Well... I will make a pledge: this weekend will be different. First of all, I'm going to hedge my bets by investing in some classy booze rather than drinking the 3 dollar gallon of vodka sitting in my bff's kitchen cabinet right next to the draino. Then, I'm dressing up in my classiest shit, doing my hair and makeup like it's my job and having the time of my life. Possibility of success maaayyyybe around 65%.... but we'll see. Hopefully the hypothesis is proven wrong (see? college is getting me somewhere...). Wish me luck!

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